Sent to our three engineers, my two bosses and new GM:
Hello men (and Clark),
Jeff and I have a dream. A dream of one day making each hour of Primetime available as a podcast at 1080thefan.com. A dream that men, women, children and Clark could listen to Primetime at any hour of the day, from anywhere in the world, savoring each tiny syllable that escapes from the lips of Isaac and Big Suke. Is this dream so strange? Is it really so strange and unattainable?
Last time we asked this question, Jeff and I got to listen to hours of super-techie-talk courtesy of Jeff McGinley. All I really took away from that painful conversation was the cost of podcasting PT would be roughly 10k. How about we find a more solutionable solution? How does that sound? How does one go about recording Primetime, sans commercials, so it can be loaded into our audio vault?
Can we please discuss? Pretty please? Super.
Jeff and I also dream of world peace and food for every child, rivers that flow with cold clean delicious Coors Light, and a world tour with Zeppelin, the Stones and Tom Petty all on the same bill. But first, podcasting please.
We are pleased to announce that after a grueling and confusing multi-year process filled with numerous "I don't understand what you mean" emails, we are finally launching the brand new FAN website: Web 2.0! We'll finally be caught up with 2.0 music websites we launched three years ago. Yay FAN!
I think you'll find the new layout pleasing to the eye and easy to navigate. If you don't, there's really not much we can do about it as corporate dictated the new features and set-up. But hey- we like it!
The launch will begin at 2pm today and takes about an hour. During this time, we will be furiously eyeballing the site for broken links, typos, and that weird Latin gibberish that tends to show up on occasion. If you happen to notice anything funny, as in funny peculiar - not funny haha, please bring it to my attention immediately. If I'm not in my office, which I am normally not, please find Alicia. She's usually the one to fix these things anyway.
So, without further adieu sarcasm, cheers to 2.0 and cheers to our May FAN Girl, because we all know FAN Girls make EVERYTHING better! FAN Girls and beer. Yay!
Seeing as I send sarcastic sh**ty emails all the day long, please send a Portland users save the date email. It will mean more coming from you. I did you a favor by drafting a rough script. Thanks for taking care of this and not delegating to Teresa D.
YOU'RE INVITED! But some of you only because it's not pc to leave you off the invite. Friday, 4/20 at 4:20pm.
Celebrate Marty Party and wish him well in his retirement. We know he deserves more after 35 years working his balls off for Entercom, but we think some free drinks will be sufficient and would like it if you attended. Unless you're a jerk, then do us a favor and don't come. Thanks.
Best,
Amy
What Clark sent:
YOU'RE INVITED! Tomorrow-Friday, 4/20 at 4:20pm.
Celebrate Marty Party and wish him well in his retirement.. Thanks.
Dear Co-workers, some of whom I like a lot, like Daria because she's funny, and Maureen because she seems to enjoy me right now,
Did you see what happened out in the parking lot? What happened is there's a bunch of you parking in the promo/engineering lot. If you prefer to work in promotions or engineering, I'd be happy to hire you to work promo events for minimum wage. Please let me know your availability and I'll get you scheduled right away. I think Gary's good with his staff, but I'll double check and get back to you.
If you are not Jim, Gary, Kent, Dee, or driving a station vehicle, you do not belong in the promo lot. If you are Bob Brooks, please feel free to park wherever you'd like. I'm sure as hell not ever telling you where to park.
There are PLENTY of parking spaces in the actual parking lot. Please don't make me send another sarcastic email that you will more than likely ignore. I won't really send it, I'll just go speak with your manager in a stern yet jokey tone. And if they ignore me too (again), I'll stamp my foot and whine to Clark. He hates it when I whine and will likely handle the situation in a professional manner. Those of you parking in the promo lot know who you are because we tend to have to remind you every few months. It's getting kind of old. The promo lot is difficult enough to get in and out of with our neighbors parking on the gravel road at all angles. We don't need a bunch of Entercom peeps further complicating our promo endeavors by parking where they know they shouldn't.
We know what cars you drive. I also bought eggs.
Moving forward, thank you for parking in the real parking lot. Fake smile.
Awesome. Brian describes his short trip to the mezzanine area of the Crystal Ballroom during their show last Saturday, including being sexually assaulted by unknown female.
With last's night show I guess. Flogging Molly at the Roseland...by the numbers maybe but not the normal way?
Part One:
1. My first time seeing them live. Think Irish, socially aware, rockin punk rock.
2. Number of time the awesome female violinist, violinist not "fiddler", actually looked at the audience. She's amazing, her long waterfall of dark hair covered her face so she couldn't even see the audience- as if were a barrier. Shy? I'm not sure. She eventually sang a song or two. Rocked. Love. Double love her.
3. Place was sold out. Solid bodies wall to wall. I feel like everyone knew every word to every song, save myself, and the entire crowd was as passionate for Molly as I am for sweet delicious Coors Light bottles. The floor of the Roseland was bouncing like the floor of the Crystal. And I actually don't think it's supposed to do that. Insert frightened face here.
4. Speaking of beer, I had one. The whole show. One. I know right? Do you even believe me? You should. The balcony was at (over) capacity and we couldn't even get upstairs to get a beer and watch the show. We had to go to the downstairs bar, get a frosty beverage, and watch the show on the TV monitors. Mama no likey.
5. My favorite song of the night was one directed at CEO's and everyone was rockin the bird up high (that's middle finger slang, Clark.). I realize that makes me sound much like the 99%, but it made good sense as we pay $4 a gallon for gas...blah blah blah...insert whiny winerton here... the following video is not that song, nor did I even take a video, didn't bring a camera, but is a good representation of what the show sounded like. Not everyone's cup of tea, I get it. But it still rocks.
6. The show made me proud to rock the Shamrock on the back of my neck. No, I'm not Irish. I just like the Irish in general. Which is why you'll find me at Kell's Friday. And Saturday.
Part Two: Kell's on Friday. And Saturday. I don't even need to say anything else. It. Will. Be. Epic.
Actual email conversation today, minus any bits some may find offensive even if they are part of the Amy's-A-Stand Up-Comedian schtick and not the real me...
Email from me to XYZ:
What are my chances of hiring some FAN Girls for our Fort Awesome appearances? The cost would need to come out of sales marketing….and imagine how happy our clients would be enjoying free food, frosty beverages, a 150 inch big screen TV all while enjoying the company of our saucy FAN Girls!?!
I'd LOVE 4 girls each day for two hours. Total cost would be $xxx. Pretty please??
Picture my face right now…it looks something like this…
Response from my Krebby, who is leaving me so I'm not speaking to him as to punish him, and yes I realize some of you may not think that's a punishment at all but more of a blessing:
From Krebs to all:
And when the answer is no, Amy's face looks more like this...
I am positively dying right now! I would post my response here, but some might think it's not very PC- story of my life really. Seriously, too funny. And true.
What does this have to do with KGON and classic rock? Who cares- this is my blog. Kidding. Fort Awesome is part of the NCAA Basketball Tournament at the Rose Garden Arena next week. Basketball is very popular. And while I'd rather see a rock show than a bunch of sweaty men throwing around a ball, I do realize many people actually like men's bball. To make a short story long, I have tickets to give away. Stay tuned to find out how you can win tickets to the tournament at the Rose Garden on Saturday, March 17th. Yes, that is St. Patty's Day. Yes, I'll have green beer. Which reminds me of a story....
Two Things by Amy Linford,posted Feb 1 2012 4:51PM
I can't decide which is more amusing....
1. Isaac R from my sports station looked at the picture below and says to me, and I quote, "That's not your body right? I mean, they just photo shopped your head on some hot body. Right?" Yes, he just said that. To my face. Fantastic. Imagine his chagrin, or not, when I told him yes, that actually is my body thank you very much, airbrushed and photo shopped a tad, but still my body. He back pedaled and said he just wasn't sure because all of my tattoos were gone. Nice try.
2. Picked up a prescription at the pharmacy and had to have to whole "consultation" from pharmacist on duty as it's a controlled substance, you know, for pain and all. He says to me as he's explaining all the side effects of the whopping 5mg vicadin..."...feel free to break it in half if you find one whole pill is too much or makes you feel funny." Really? Break it in half in case I can't handle a full 5mgs? Awesome! I literally laughed out loud. He obviously hasn't reviewed my charts.
Square one by Amy Linford,posted Jan 30 2012 10:29AM
"Square one my slate is clear, rest your head on me my dear, it took a world of trouble, took a world of tears, it took a long time, to get back here."
KGON Presents the 2012 Mark and Brian Portland Variety Show! Saturday, April 7th at McMenamins Crystal Ballroom from 7pm - 11:30pm!
Featuring live performances from "The Rolling Tones" and "AC Double DC" Tickets on sale Saturday, February 4th at etix.com and the Crystal Box Office for $9.23 each.
KGON Workforce Members will be getting information on a pre-sale, so check your email this week. Not a Workforce Member yet? Sign up at KGON.com
The Mark and Brian Variety Show is 21 and over ONLY!
AND:
A portion of every ticket sold goes to First Octave. First Octave is a branch of the Portland Schools Foundation, supporting art and music education for youth with the goal of increasing access for underserved and underrepresented students and schools, in Portland and Multnomah County, through the First Octave Grant Program. These grants are funded through the tireless work and generous giving of individuals, foundations, and businesses, reflecting the strong support of the community for strengthening art and music in local schools. Primary funding for this year's grant program comes from The Dorothy Sherman Fund of the Oregon Community Foundation, and Fred Meyer.
Since its establishment in 1997, the First Octave Fund has infused more than $225,000 into public schools throughout Portland and Multnomah County, providing valuable access to arts and music education to our local youth.
Tune in at 7am to hear who's coming, how you can win tickets before they go on sale, when the KGON Workforce member pre-sale is and how to get the pre-sale password.
My awesome Alicia came up with a little hinty hint for you people...
Movies And Radio Kept them Away. Now the Dashing Boys Return In April...Nice!!
Nothing like a phone call from Los Angeles from KLOS with a little KGON invite to the Mark & Brian -get this- Roll Your Honey in Money event. Nope- not making that up.
You might have heard the boys talking about it in the mornings, this is the event where they are getting Danny, morning show producer and token Jew, married legally. In Vegas. In addition to getting Danny married, guys and gals get a chance to literally roll the gal in honey and then in cash, keeping whatever sticks! Not exactly sure what my presence will add, but I'm gonna go ahead and take one for the team, head to Vegas, hole up at the Riviera and party like a rock star. I may even post a picture or two. Yes, this is what I like to call work. Life is good. Great even.
This will make much more sense next Monday... Suffice to say, what happenes in Vegas, stays in Vegas. "Except herpes. That sh*t comes back with you." (Hangover quote.)
And, if you're in LA or streaming KLOS online, you can win a trip from KLOS.
This from the KLOS.com or markandbrian.com... "Listen for your chance to win a trip to be with Mark and Brian in Vegas at the Riviera Hotel/Casino. Grand prize winner gets to "ROLL THEIR HONEY IN MONEY".
Wanna stay where Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Elvis Presley performed. The Riviera Hotel & Casino on the Vegas Strip is the place to be rooms available today as low as 29 dollars!
Call 855-468-6748." That's where I'll be staying!
Amy Mail by Amy Linford,posted Jan 24 2012 12:53PM
Email sent last night to team at 11pm. Almost verbatim but it's a little more colorful here because I'm allowed to and because I can add pictures more easily. I seriously couldn't make this up if I tried.
To:
Mr. Burns, Krebs, Alicia, Bob B, and Jeff A,
As if this day could get any better- Jake and the kids were in a car accident after the Blazer game last night. Kids complaining of back and neck pain, their dad is too but he's sissy and has a long neck, so I'm taking them both to urgent care first thing in the am as we certainly can't compromise mister and missy sporty sport sports and their illustrious middle school sports careers.
The KGON truck is back in the lot, keys in purse. For those of you just tuning in, I broke down in the monster truck on Barbur last night and waited a freezing 45 minutes for tow dude to arrive.
After blocking traffic for an hour and watching the oldest man alive run over the flares, we made it back to the station, not safely I might add, and I then happily paid the $109 towing bill out of my own pocket. Sarcastic voice.
If I find out someone accidentally put gas in it yesterday instead of diesel, I may not be responsible for my actions and certainly not for what comes out of my mouth. Alicia- please triple/quadruple check with D. Skip the wrath of Amy part. Krebs- please call "your guy" and let us know when they are coming for the truck.
I'm pissed, I'm cold, and I'm not nearly drunk enough for this sh*t.
In all seriousness, health of my babies is always my priority.
See you tomorrow.
Best,
a
###
Side notes and the rest of the story: I called the towing company we have a contract with, meaning the tow would be direct billed to Entercom and not come out of my very opposite of deep pockets, and the jerk that answered said they had no trucks in the area. Crickets. Ok great, I'm thinking, aloud, so is there like a waiting period, you can send someone soon, are you going to ask if I'm in a safe place? Crickets. Click. I will do everything in my human power to ensure we drop this company immediately. No tow trucks on the west side, I get it. Busy night, I get it. Throw a sister a bone here and at least inquire about my safety? Chivalry is dead. And so is our business relationship with said towing company, and I am being uber-nice and not disclosing the name of this company but rest assured, they are neither fast, affordable, NOR reliable.]
Gigantic thanks and praise to the 5th towing company I called, A and B Towing and Recovery 503.233.5189, and the ONLY one available to tow my huge truck out of the middle of a driveway on Barbur. The sweet lady that answered was more than concerned for my well being, I didn't even name drop KGON or offer concert tickets- yet- and this woman was on the radio with her crew, getting me a wrecker quicker than a cruise ship captain abandons ship. I swear on my life, the tow truck guy Gary (awesome dude), was there to my rescue as soon as I hung up the phone.
Did I mention it was 39 degrees and I was freezing my ass off? If you can just picture me for a moment, sitting in the truck, half blocking traffic, trying to call tow truck companies, trying to call Krebs to come rescue me, post the play by play on facebook, listen to Primetime, and fielding about 20 text messages from T about her headache and sorry but she can't go to the game tonight, can someone else pick up her tickets at will call, so sorry but I don't feel good blah blah blah until I finally responded, T- I'm sorry you don't feel good. I'm broken down on the side of the road in a monster truck that says KGON all over it, blocking traffic and freezing my ass off, and I don't feel good. I don't give a crap about your Blazer tickets. Bye Bye. Meanwhile, my doctor calls about my upcoming torture appointment as I quickly try and calculate how many pain killers I have left ..... Can you feel me right now? Can you? Can you feel the rage oozing from my pores?
Instead of continuing on and on when most of you stopped reading already because I'm so "wordy" probably anxiously awaiting the youtube version, here are the additional highlights:
1. The tow truck was smaller than the truck to be towed.
2. God Bless Gary for even attempting!
3. At one point after we went over a bump, Gary looks at me and says, Is the truck still attached?
4. Gary arrives, I pop the hood and he asks me how to open it. I'm like, dude, you're driving a tow truck and I'm wearing a short skirt and black boots. How the hell should I know.
5. Sitting inside warm tow truck, apparently chivalry is not dead with Gary, and watching traffic try and navigate around the flares, well, most of them made it around the flares, the oldest dude alive just drove right over them, was actually kinda fun. Lots of idiots out there. Gary concurs.
6. The kids are fine.
7. D swears he put diesel in it and I believe him. I'm going to check the receipt just in case.
8. I was reimbursed the $109.50 for towing this morning. After my rent check bounced last night.
9. I am going to send a thank you note to A and B towing. Good people.
10. When we got back to the station, Glynn Shannon was just leaving and he laughed at me. Buttface.
Classic Rock
