Jon Cryer: 'The fact is, I'm a troll'
The day after Charlie Sheen issued a â€śhalf-apologyâ€ť to his former â€śTwo and a Half Menâ€ť co-star Jon Cryer for calling him â€śa turncoat, a traitor and a troll,â€ť Cryer went on â€śConanâ€ť Thursday night to issue his (humorous) response.
Sheenâ€™s words were painful to him for many reasons, Cryer began, not the least of which because â€“ pause for dramatic effect â€“ â€śthe fact is, I am a troll,â€ť the actor admitted.
â€śItâ€™s not something I like to talk about; my parents donâ€™t even know,â€ť he went on, â€śalthough I guess they do now.â€ť
Heâ€™s been hiding his true identity all this time because â€śthereâ€™s not a lot of tolerance for people like me in Hollywood,â€ť Cryer said. â€śTo avoid ignorance and bullying, Iâ€™ve had to hide the fact that Iâ€™m a troll. You have no idea how much time and money Iâ€™ve spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so I can look like this.â€ť
And heâ€™s not the only one: Paul Giamatti, Helen Mirren and even â€śConanâ€™sâ€ť Andy Richter are all really trolls, Cryer revealed.
We guess since he was already on the topic, Cryer also took the opportunity to clear up some misconceptions: trolls, apparently, do not drink the morning dew from buttercups, and also canâ€™t be found baking cookies in trees - that's what elves do.
â€śFor the last time, weâ€™re the guys that dangle from little girls' backpacks and sit on the end of pencils!â€ť an exasperated Cryer said.
The 45-year-old ended his big reveal saying that perhaps he should be grateful that Sheen outed him.
â€śIâ€™m finally free,â€ť Cryer said. â€śTo all the other trolls still 'living under the bridge,' especially you younger trolls, Iâ€™m here to tell you, it getâ€™s better. Not gay better, but still, sorta better.â€ť